Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Semen is not good for contacts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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