I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
