I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
