That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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