story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
