he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
