If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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