every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
