More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
