my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
