Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
