Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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