Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
