I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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