I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
