K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
