so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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