O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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