I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
