They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just high enough for therapy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
