At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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