mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
