I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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