I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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