at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize