I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
