I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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