just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
