The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
