Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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