i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
