it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
