i don't like sucking hair
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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