peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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