when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
