3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
