I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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