I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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