I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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