my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
