I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
