I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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