Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
