I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
