The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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