are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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