elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She bit a glass in half.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
