Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is Oprah even human
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
