Can i not drive my cunt home
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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