Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
