the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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