why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
