Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
