You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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