Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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