Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
