we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
